Sunday, December 16, 2012

Being Human

*Half of this doesn't make sense and it doesn't have to.*

Does anyone hear me?
Mayday! Mayday! I have something to say but no way to speak. The words are caught in my throat and my emotions blocked. They are under lock and key with only a slat for air. Only if they behave can they come out to play.

Does anyone feel me?
Am I here or am a just a vapor?
I touch but am never moved. I give love but allow myself to receive none. Am I a dead thing that feels nothing? Immune to everything that holds joy?

The pain ebbs and flows. It rises then subsides, but it is always present. Can You take away the hurt or will you just tease me with notions of peace and hope?

The stillness and silence is maddening. I feel as though I'm standing on a cliff; waiting.
Come on! Do it! Push me already! Maybe then something will break through. Maybe then something will change on the inside. Perhaps then this heart will beat again.

The possibility of becoming human again is too beautiful to be true, but i would rather waste my life on a dream of goodness than exist in a hole of nothing.
Make my heart beat. Beat for something! Anything!
Make me move!

I feel You one minute and the next You are but a memory.
I feel Your breath on my fingers and Your heat on my palms.
You are so wonderful to me but I have nothing to give. One day I want to be with You so sadly I behave like an idiot, the next day I can't be bothered to say Your name.
But even then I hear You whisper mine.

I have nothing to give You but my life. Here is the life of a terrified girl. It is the 'life' of one who cannot fully commit. The existence of a doubter and a runner.
I have nothing, but You can have my nothing a turn it into something grand.

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